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I think it was Will Rogers who said, "originality in any endeavor will be rewarded". Well in the case of yours truly this reward is sometimes in the form of good natured (I think) ribbing. What follows comes from a variety of sources including friends and reality it ranges from satire to downright truth. I'm not saying which is which.

WINTER SAFETY TOOL KIT

  • Cleaning up after winter storms can be a lot of work. Of course there are options - like paying someone else to do it. Snow blowers help too, but even using those can be strenuous and exhausting. So, if you end up having to do it yourself, here are some things you need to know to make the chore easier and safer.
    • Do light warm-up exercises before shoveling and take frequent breaks.
    • If possible, push snow in front of you. If you have to lift it, pick up small amounts and lift with your legs, not your back. Do not toss snow over your shoulder or to the side.
    • Don't drink alcohol before or while shoveling snow. Do not drink before shopping for vintage snow blowers. Come to think of it if you shop for vintage snow blowers people will think you are drunk anyway.
    • Do not use rock salt it will ruin the paint on your newly rebuilt vintage snow blower.
  • If you use a snow blower (also called a snow thrower), follow these safety guidelines:
    • Do not collect too many snow blowers. You won't have enough time to clear your own driveway and you will have to hire it done.
    • Do not get a vanity plate of your favorite snow blower brand. People will think it is your last name.
    • Read the owner's manual before starting your snow blower, and make the necessary corrections on your snow blower website.
    • Make sure all your friends and relatives are invited when you start your newly renovated snow blower. You may have to disobey the rule about no alcohol, because free booze is the only way you will get them there to see it.
    • Do not put your hand in the snow blower to remove impacted snow or debris. Turn the machine off and wait a few seconds. Then use a stick or broom handle to remove the material. If this does not work, remove the chute and spend your kid's college fund to have it Teflon lined.
    • Do not leave the snow blower unattended when it is running. Always try to have a crowd around to show it off.
    • Never let a child beware that their father collects snow blowers, it could be embarrassing.
    • Fill up with fuel before you start, when the engine is cool. Budget at least 10% of your yearly salary to keep your collection in new gas.
My hat
  • Ask your wife to knit you a winter hat in the colors of your favorite snowblower brand.
  • Convince your wife it's time for a weekend getaway together. Cleverly manipulate the trip to the town where a snowblower has been offered to you. If the van starts smelling of gasoline on the way home tell her it's a good thing we have that machine out there for traction
  • When given a money gift go out and find a vintage snowblower to buy. Next time your mother in-law visits offer to take her out to the garage to show her what "she" bought.
  • At Christmas give framed 8 X 10 portraits of your favorite snowblower to all your close relatives including the in-laws. Tell them it's the first in a series and that it's a limited edition. Make it a point of letting them know you hope they can find a place for it in their home. Graciously offer to sign copies. By clicking here you may download a high resolution copy for your own home. Printing on photo quality paper is recommended.
Portrait
Comic, 2002

My daughters have been informed that when they set out into the world they will do so with a fully reconditioned Gilson to clear their driveway, this will be part of their dowry. The only catch will be a prenuptial agreement to insure that the machine will remain in the family should things not work out.

Comic, October 2008

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Created January 2003